AfterSexCigarette

May 23

[video]

May 18

Bookay-Ukay

A friend asked me if what were my vices besides drinking and smoking. I was reading a book that time, so I answered with a question, “Is reading a book a vice?” He replied, “So you love reading, do you know bookay-Ukay?” The words were familiar to me, but I said, “No, I only buy second-hand books in Book Sale” “I’ll bring you there, If you’d let me”

The next day, we hanged-out and I thought of Bookay-Ukay. “Where is Bookay-Ukay located?” “It’s in Maginhawa,UP Village” I froze and again,it reminded me of him. I remember the night he was talking about the cozy, artsy and hippie place with wide selection of secondhand books and VCDs. He even bought a VCD and we’ve watched it together. (I forgot the title of the movie but it was an indie film) But I know that was the place he was telling me.. That was the place he told me he would take me. Bookay-Ukay. I know for now, everywhere I go.. Every thing I see.. Every food I eat… Every song I hear… will remind me of you.. But I will wait and hope for that day that I wouldn’t remember everything or anything about you or about us. So I wouldn’t remember the days and nights I was writhing in pain. My dead heart. A zombie-ish feeling. That kind of make you feel like you’re dead inside and everything is just stagnant. The worst.

So for now, I’m going to despise every fiber of your being. I’ll lose desire for your penis, your arms, your lips, your earlobes. I’m going to stop believing everything you tell me. I’ll enjoy hating you. When I do, it will mean that I love myself a little bit more. So just let me do that. Let me love myself.

Phew. I feel so much better telling you this.

I hate you with the capital F You!!!

May 15

Soaked. Wet. Giddy.

Due to some good news & the fact that I haven’t showered, I intentionally decided to go out and walk/dance in the rain!!! Amazeballs haaa!!!

There were no walkers outside. Just me getting wet and feeling so giddy in the dark. Then, I thought of the unthinkable thing to do, I went at the nearest store and bought a cigar, lit it, puffed, watched the smoke vanishing in thin air while enjoying the rain and the cold wind.

Realizing that I might get sick,lol I went back home and took a shower. YOLO.

I just feel like I’m appreciating everything so much. I feel so peaceful and happy. Plus I have so many exciting things going up! Thankful and blessed. :)

May 13

May 11

Have you ever shed a tear for me?

I never did.

I cried because I was furious and upset. I asked myself how I turned out this way. Its because of me.That rascal, told me he liked me, he loved me, and yet he betrayed me. He had so many plans for us but now it was all just a lie. I wish he was dead. That’s why I cried. I didn’t cry because I wish to see him. And I didn’t cry because I couldn’t let go of him. Although, this experience has left a big hole in my heart, I feel fortunate that I could move on and start afresh again. I really did like him, but now I realized it wasn’t love. I just liked getting love from him. I figured that’s a good way to live my life. And the moment he cast me aside, I began to realize how foolish I was for thinking that I can’t live without him that he was the one for me, and how gaga crazily inlove I turned out when he was not worthy of my love.

I trust today will be the end of things between us.

May 10

Ang babae sa bintana.

May 09

“Look, I don’t believe in love. I believe in fucking. It’s honest, it’s efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure, and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they’re in, so they can get laid. Then they end up hurting each other, because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that’s what you want, then go and find yourself a pretty little girl … and get married.” — Brian Kinney, Queer As Folk (via chadwicked)

(via chadwicked-deactivated20111125)